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Posts Tagged ‘Dysgraphia’

I’ve shared on this blog before how God gave me a new spiritual name in my 20’s to symbolize the different direction he was taking me. For the first 21 years of my life my name was Ability. Much of my life was on a stage singing, acting, dancing, or speaking. But then God began to take me off the stage so he could root me in my faith and deepen my relationship with him. During this season my name was Availability, which is my old name – Ability – with my literal new married name, Vail. For the past 21 years I have sought to simply be available to be used by God whenever and wherever he wants to use me. I have mostly done short ministry assignments in a variety of places in the church, as well as homeschooling my children and occasionally blogging.

However, around the time of my 42nd birthday, last summer, God began to move mountains in my life. He released me from homeschooling my oldest child which forced me to face every fear I’d ever had about him in the weeks leading up to his return to public school. The voice of the enemy was so deafening in my ear with shouts of fear, but because of how close God had been to me earlier in the summer during the 6 weeks my mom was on hospice before she died, I knew that if God could sustain me while I was taking care of her, he could certainly take care of my son in school. However, the power of God to silence that screaming voice of fear was not activated until the day before my son started school, when I taught my Sunday School class the lesson God had been teaching me on parenting out of faith instead of fear. God’s power in our life is often activated by our voice when we speak in agreement with him.

It was then that I first discovered the power of my new name, Avail. The “Ability” part of Availability has been dropped because, frankly, whatever abilities I bring to the table don’t matter to me anymore. I’m not interested in being praised for my abilities – a former stronghold of mine. As I move into this third segment of my life (which, interestingly, can clearly be divided into segments of 21 with 3 distinct seasons of 7 years in each), God’s priority for my life is that my words and prayers avail much for the kingdom. It’s not my stage; it’s His. The word avail means

to be of use; have force or efficacy; serve; help
to be of value or profit

The root, which happens to be my last name, Vail, comes from the Latin valēre, to be of worth.

It’s no surprise, then, that the enemy first attacked me in my youth with the stronghold of insecurity. If God intended for my words and life to avail much for the kingdom – to be of value or profit – the enemy needed me to question my worth, or at least link it to my abilities so that when I failed or was no longer in the spotlight, I would doubt my value. However, as I activated my new name by speaking the truth over my life – the truth that I am of worth because Jesus died for me, and I was created for a purpose that God will accomplish in and through me – the enemy lost his power to bind me with fear. You and I were created to avail much. Our words have efficacy, which means “the ability to produce a desired or intended result.” If God has given you a promise for your life, don’t just think it, speak it! When the enemy comes against you with fear, boldly speak the truth and promises of God with praise and thanksgiving, and the enemy will flee!

Speaking God’s truth and promises over my son – that he is God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for him to do (Eph. 2:10), and that God will finish the good work he started in him (Phil. 1:6) – silenced the voice of fear. It also activated those promises in my son’s life. I have never seen him thrive and flourish like he has since the school year started. God’s hand is on him in a mighty way, healing him and maturing him in every way. God is blessing him and our relationship with him. Hallelujah!

Parents, what I’m about to share may be a hard pill to swallow, but here is what God’s been showing me about our words. When we believe God and speak his truth over our kids, it activates his blessings in their lives. If you read through the Old Testament, you’ll find several accounts of parents speaking blessings over their children (Noah, Isaac, and Jacob, to name a few). People brought their children to Jesus so that he could bless them. These blessings had power and efficacy. However, when we listen to the voice of the enemy – which often comes as the voice of fear – and speak words over our children in agreement with our fears, we are unintentionally speaking curses.

“Stop acting so weird or you’ll never have any friends,” we say to our child in agreement with the voice of our fear. And so the child becomes fearful of other people, wondering if people are rejecting him. As a result, he withdraws and becomes overly self-conscious. And ends up with no friends. Cursed by our words of fear voiced over him. 

One of the hardest things God’s called me to do this year is apologize to my son for agreeing with my fears and speaking curses over him. God told me, when he was 4 years old and in the midst of major upheaval in his behavior, that he would be all right. (And because God is always consistent, he spoke that same promise again recently.) However, for the past 10 years the voice of fear has often gotten the best of me, and I’ve reacted and parented out of fear that what I was seeing was going to be a forever thing instead of just a phase. (How do you know if you’re parenting out of fear? You’ll know it’s fear when you feel like you need to control your child’s behavior. There’s a difference between teaching our kids self-control and being just plain controlling.)

When my son started public high school, I wanted to talk to his teachers about his Dysgraphia because I feared that his writing difficulty would hinder him from finishing his work on time, but my son didn’t want me to. The reason why God also said no was because he knew that phase was over and there is nothing hindering him in his writing anymore. I honestly believe that had I kept speaking it over him, it would have continued to plague him, which is why God said, “Enough! Start believing and acting like you trust Me that if I say he’s okay, he’s okay.”

God’s revealed to me that my son and I were meant to be 2 threads woven together in a beautiful tapestry for the dual purpose of teaching me how to love and accept someone who is unlike me, and also speak words of encouragement to other moms of kids who don’t fit into the world’s mold. He gave me a precious, quirky boy who was meant to be different – and we were to delight in it.

This is now one of our favorite photos, depicting our epic failure as parents to recognize that 4-year-old soccer was not our sons jam. He was so miserable, but we learned our lesson not to assume anything with this kid!

This is now one of our favorite photos, depicting our epic failure as parents to recognize that 4-year-old soccer was not our son’s jam. He was so miserable, but we learned our lesson not to assume anything with this kid!

However, the enemy also had a plan to spin a web of fear between my son and me, so that every time I ran headlong into fear I would attach that web to him and myself, thus tangling us up in a sticky mess. Every time I voiced my fear, and spoke words in agreement with it, we got more and more entangled in the web. But God, in his grace and mercy, has not only delivered me from the stronghold of fear through voice-activated faith, he has been untangling us from that ugly web. Glory to God!

Thankfully, the way into that mess was also the way out. When I apologized to my son for sticking that web on him, I said, “I revoke the curses I have unintentionally spoken over you.” I then laid my hands on him and began to speak blessings. I blessed him in every area of his life I could think of where I used to be filled with fear. I blessed his education, his friendships, his marriage someday, his work; everything God brought to my mind, I agreed with God’s good plan and spoke it.

I want my words to avail much for God’s kingdom and in the lives of my children. God’s word tells us that we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony (Revelation 12:20). Our words have efficacy, especially in the lives of our children. Oh God, consecrate our mouths so that we speak blessings, not curses. May the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable to You.

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If your child has illegible handwriting well into elementary school, struggles with spacing, has an awkward pencil grip, can’t seem to put his thoughts down on paper, and shuts down when you put a worksheet in front of him even though he may know all the answers, there’s a good chance his struggles with writing may be caused by dysgraphia, a lesser known learning disability.

When people ask me why we chose to homeschool, I often site the heavy emphasis on writing in public school that made learning drudgery and homework overwhelming for my son, since he couldn’t keep up with all the worksheets (in first grade – how sad).  With my son’s permission, I’m going to share with you our journey over the past 5 years of homeschooling, what a typical school day looks like for the writing-averse, and how he’s gone from hating writing to loving it.

It was actually a relief when I figured out that dysgraphia was the root of my son’s resistance to doing worksheets, not belligerence or laziness.  He naturally loves to learn, and since we made developing a love of learning one of our top priorities for elementary school, it quickly became obvious that we needed to separate learning from writing.  I made accommodations for him in his other subjects by:

  • limiting worksheets to one a day, for grammar practice only
  • switching to oral spelling tests (using lists from The Natural Speller)
  • allowing him to dictate his math work to me, meaning he would solve problems aloud while I wrote down what he said
  • using vocabulary flash cards, games (like Bananagrams, Great States Jr., Math Bingo) and computer programs (like Spelling City, online math games) instead of worksheets for extra practice
  • testing his comprehension of what he read by letting him give oral reports or simply discussing what he learned

Handwriting During the Elementary Years
When he did do writing, our focus was on the mechanics of writing.  Since his printing was atrocious, I gave up on trying to correct the damage that was done during his public school years and turned my attention toward teaching him to correctly form letters in cursive (since it’s easier to train the brain to do something new than to undo patterns that have become entrenched). We waited to learn cursive until 4th grade, and used the Handwriting Without Tears book.  I tried to make it fun by emphasizing the artistic aspect of cursive, showing him various ways to form the letters and letting him choose what worked for him.  For the most part, we skipped capitols since I prefer printing capitols anyway. His daily worksheet was done in cursive and required to be legible, but learning took place in other courses through the means outlined above.  We also used special graph paper for math to help him keep his numbers properly lined up in columns, since dysgraphic kids also have trouble with letter and number spacing.

As for creative writing, we did very little unless initiated by him.  I used the book, Draw Then Write, to encourage writing practice in a fun and interesting way, since he liked how-to-draw books.  He would follow the directions for how to draw an object (animal, car, etc.), fill in the background to make it a picture, then write a few sentences about his picture.  He was allowed to do creative writing in printing, and I didn’t bug him about his lettering, but did require him to use proper capitalization and punctuation.

Because writing was so uncomfortable for him during his elementary years, we just focused on practicing cursive and writing grammatically correct sentences.  My husband and I both love writing, and we wanted our kids to share our love of writing, so it was difficult for me to keep writing on the back burner for so many years, but our patience has paid off.  My only regret is that I stopped letting him dictate stories to me to type (like he did when he was little) because I wanted to encourage him to write them himself, which he never did.

Writing During the Middle School Years
In 6th grade, I had him go through the keyboarding lessons on the Free Typing Games website. (There are also really fun games for practice, if you don’t mind all the ads.) Learning how to type, with proper fingering to speed up the process, was a game changer last year.  All of a sudden, writing was about getting his thoughts down on paper, instead of physical torture.  Experts don’t know why keyboarding is easier for kids with dysgraphia, but it is.  We still focus on one handwriting assignment each day, but are finally free to explore longer writing projects by using the computer to type them.

I’ll admit, waiting until middle school to start teaching writing can make you feel a little anxious and behind the curve, but Julie Bogart, author of the Brave Writer program for homeschoolers, has helped put my fears to rest.  She points out that writing should first and foremost be about putting your thoughts on paper (not trying to figure out what your teacher wants you to write), and emphasizes creative writing before teaching expository (essay) writing. I also read The Little Book of Talent, which emphasizes mastering foundational skills before moving on to more advanced skills.  So my writing goals for 6th grade were to simply master writing interesting, grammatically correct sentences.  I let my son choose 10 of his vocabulary words to type into sentences, which he loved since he’s naturally creative and expressive.

Our Current Homeschool Day/Week for 7th Grade 
Here’s roughly what our regular studies look like right now, with a continued emphasis on learning through non-written means (mostly on the computer), handwriting practice, and beginning to explore creative writing.

  • Spanish through the Rosetta Stone program on the computer
  • Pre-Algebra through the Teaching Textbooks program on the computer
  • Spelling lists from the Natural Speller, with mostly oral tests and occasional written tests (writing the spelling word only, but using it in a sentence orally)
  • Grammar/proofreading practice on IXL.com (where you can do up to 20 questions on their language arts program a day for free)
  • Independent study on various science and history topics of interest through reading library books and watching educational videos on Discovery Education Streaming (including favorites like Mythbusters!)
  • Family Read Aloud (he sometimes reads, sometimes follows along while I read from our family’s favorite series, The Heroes of Olympus, a continuation of the Percy Jackson series)
  • One writing exercise/project per day
  • Weekly classes (P.E. through our city’s Rec Center, science lab on various STEM topics, and cooking class with Mom!)

Weekly Writing Activities

  • Monday Copywork: Julie Bogart helped me see the value of doing copywork once a week with the sole purpose of focusing on the mechanics of writing.  I did not do copywork in the early elementary years because it would have felt like torture, but now that most writing is done through typing, copywork is doable.  This is mainly when we practice cursive now.  I have him copy down a Bible verse that has been helpful to me each Monday in a special journal just for recording verses (which I hope will become a valuable keepsake). I also encourage him to memorize his verse each week, and share with him why this verse is meaningful to me.
  • Tuesday Word(s) of the Day: He loves our Word of the Day vocabulary practice because this is when he gets to focus on writing an interesting sentence.  I copy two new vocabulary cards from a workbook I found at the thrift store, and challenge him to use it in an interesting sentence on the back and illustrate it.  He’s allowed to print, so the focus is on correct grammar and punctuation, as well as proper use of the word in as creative a way as possible.  When he’s finished, he files his words alphabetically in a file box.  When we finish this book, we’ll move on to the SAT vocabulary words.
  • Wednesday Family Free Write: Since my husband works from home on Wednesdays, we do this as a family after breakfast.  We set a timer for 5 minutes, announce the topic, then everyone writes.  Afterward, we take turns sharing, with my daughter (the youngest) going first and my husband (the funniest writer) going last.  By allowing them to read their work, I get to enjoy hearing their story without the distraction of getting hung up on proofreading mistakes, so this has been really enjoyable for all of us. Once again, it was Julie Bogart who introduced me to the concept and importance of the 5 min. free write, and she’ll even send you daily writing tips if you sign up on her website! Sometimes I use her writing prompts, and sometimes I pull ideas from Rip The Page: Adventures in Creative Writing.  The benefit of the free write is that it allows you to develop your unique writing voice and try different techniques without the burden of having to polish every story.  Sometimes the kids want to finish a story they started, and so I try to allow extra time for creative writing.  But sometimes they don’t want to, and that’s fine.  The benefit of doing it as a family is that they get to hear more advanced writers (in a non-competitive way) as an example of the kind of writing they’re working toward. I’m already seeing my son’s unique writing voice develop, which is exciting.
  • Thursday Note-Taking or Writing Project: This day is flexible, depending on what we’re studying.  Sometimes, the kids will spend time typing a story they’re working on.  Last fall, my son spent 2 months working on an 8-page Lego Christmas story for his cousins, complete with pictures of Lego creations he created to illustrate it!  It was a huge accomplishment for him.  I helped with some proofreading, but did not make any rewrite suggestions (also on the advice of Julie Bogart).  When the kids work on their own stories, my focus is on proper sentence structure – the foundation of writing – and breaking it up into logical paragraphs (the next step).  However, since Christmas we’ve also begun preparing to take notes through the use of listening guides that accompany some of the videos on Discovery Streaming.  I basically just give them a worksheet to jot down answers on as they listen to the video (and reward them with M&Ms).  Because it’s a video, not a lecture, we can control the speed of delivery of the information, so we can pause it if the kids need more time to write before moving on.  I’ve also let them choose a topic to study through reading and watching a video, and encourage them to jot down notes before giving an oral report later.  I don’t look at their notes, but try to encourage them to see note-taking as something of value to them, not me.
  • Friday Dictation: This is also new this semester, on the advice of – you guessed it – Julie Bogart (who is, apparently, my mentor).  However, I’m primarily focusing on the listening aspect of dictation, and keeping it light and fun through the use of mad libs.  The kids each fill out half of the list of words needed (which has the added bonus of reviewing the parts of speech) and are required to write legibly in either in printing or cursive.  Then I give them a copy of the story with blanks for them to fill in as I read the story with their words.  They love this and have no idea that it’s practice for filling in listening guides!

You may have noticed that I switched to “they” partway through my list.  Yes, I have a daughter who is in 5th grade.  She does the same work as her brother (because she can, not because I’m pushing her to do advanced work), although she does a little more writing for spelling because it helps her learn.  She is not dysgraphic, and does lots of extracurricular writing because she loves to write.

Next year, we will begin essay writing on topics of interest to the kids.  There will be plenty of opportunities to develop their research and report writing skills in high school.

Love of Learning Is the Key
If you have a dysgraphic child, I just want to encourage you to relax. The “standards” and benchmarks imposed on kids in public school are not indicators of what your child has to do at each age.  When you step back and take the long view, there is plenty of time to prepare your kids for essay writing before they leave for college.  What matters most is that they develop a love of learning. In fact, by not requiring my kids to write a report on every book they ever read, they fell in love with reading.  By not requiring endless science worksheets or reports on field trips to children’s museums, my kids fell in love with science.  By spending lots of time engaged in discussion instead of doing reading comprehension worksheets, my kids have become articulate speakers (based on comments from their Sunday School teachers, orthodontist, strangers at the dollar store…). Just because the public school system relies on worksheets to measure knowledge doesn’t mean that’s the best way to learn.

So don’t push your child to write everything if he’s resistant or give up hope that he’ll ever want to write.  Yes, it’s hard to be patient and not compare our kids to others, but all kids have strengths and weaknesses.  Don’t let one weakness become the focal point of your child’s education, whether it’s writing, math, reading, or whatever.  Just focus on helping your child enjoy learning, stretch himself a little each day in his areas of weakness, and celebrate each little milestone.  That’s really what this post is about; I’m celebrating a child who previously hated writing and now begs to do creative writing before school.

Just keep loving, hoping, and asking God for guidance and patience. (Oh, how I’ve prayed for guidance and patience every day!) I give all glory to God for helping me find the resources mentioned above at just the right time for just the right price, and for giving me patience beyond what I thought I was capable of before I started homeschooling. He will help you, too!

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